The Meltdown

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If you gathered every single parent on the planet and put them in a huge room, then you started telling a story about how your child, or children, just had a "meltdown," every single one of them would know what you were talking about. The second you used the word "meltdown," assuming you had enough translators that know that word in every single language in the world, each parent would have a mental image of what you were talking about. Just mentioning this phenomenon stirs memories and emotions that even parents with grown children have suppressed for years. In order to fully understand this phenomenon, you must look closely at the Anatomy of a Meltdown. It starts with the Set-Up. A missed nap. A late night. An early morning. No morning snack. A change in the routine. Overstimulation. There are hundreds of factors that could create the perfect condition for a meltdown. It's kind of like the difference between a Tornado Watch and a Tornado Warning. The Watch just means the conditions are such that a tornado could happen, whereas a Warning means a tornado has been spotted. Since there are so many factors that could contribute to a meltdown, it is almost impossible to prevent one at this level.

The next stage in this process is The Blender. This is when you mix one of the factors from the Set-Up with another seemingly innocuous event in your daily life. This might include seeing something at the store that your child desperately wants. ("But we don't have THAT Lightning McQueeen!") Or leaving the park, or a party, or the toy store, or a friend's house, or the TV section of Walmart before your child is ready. Or it could be asking your child do perform some completely unreasonable task, like putting on shoes, or picking up toys, or finishing peas, or writing his or her name on a birthday card, or making the bed. And you claim to love your child. Because you don't know what the Set-Up is, you are oblivious that you are throwing this common, everyday event into the Blender with liquid nitrogen. But you are, and that brings us to the actual event: The Meltdown.

It usually hits so fast you don't even know what's going on until you are in the throes of the battle. Your first response is to put your foot down, be the authority figure. But it only takes about 2 seconds for you to realize there ain't no stopping this avalanche. You realize a crowd is starting to gather. You begin to reason with the child, but nothing you say -- no bribe, promise, nugget of parental wisdom -- will work. It's not long until you completely ignore your child and begin addressing the crowd, kind of like a park ranger giving a talk on animal behavior.

"You see, she didn't get her full 2 and a half hour nap today."

"This is how he gets when doesn't get his 100% organic jujucicle by 10:00 a.m."

Or my favorite, "I read her a story at bedtime last night about the social implications of underserved minorities' lack of access to healthcare, and she just figured out what 'disparity' means."

This is what it looks like if you graph it.

And this is when you realize, you are being judged. Hard. If the parenting police were there at that moment, you would go straight to jail with no dinner. You decide not to curse at the on-lookers or your child and you are completely out of pride and energy, so you reach down and grab the nearest thing you can find, which happens to be your child, and you head home. As you reach the car, you replay this epoch in your mind, strategizing how you can avoid this disaster next time. Just as you begin to regain some sense of hope, your young Macbeth looks up at you from his car seat and delivers the closing lines of this epic drama:

"Do I still get my treat?"

Singin' Sam and Nate

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I'm not sure what it is, but for the last few weeks Sam has been singing a lot around the house ... A LOT. Sometimes he sings songs he has heard, other times he makes up his own. Nate is quite the singer, as well, but as you will see, he has a tendency to get silly when standing in front of the camera. We will work to capture some real footage of him singing. My favorite clip is the last bit, where Sam is making up a song, and Nate quickly learns it and starts to sing along. You  may not believe me when I say this, but this is pretty typical for our house. We aren't quite the Von Trapps, but there is a lot of singing and dancing. Here is a short glimpse of some moments I have captured.

Second Half

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When I was coaching soccer a few years back, I learned the value of halftime. I can think specifically back to a couple of games that started off horribly, and no adjustments we made seemed adequate in shifting the momentum in our favor. The team would usually hang on for dear life until halftime came around. After a brief rest and some talk from the head coach, the team would take the field in the second half as a completely different group of guys. There were also a few games where this happened to the other team and things didn't turn out in our favor. It's amazing to me how a short break can change your perspective. You start to realize you don't have all the time in the world to do what you want. You see your failures, successes, values and pursuits differently. You get a fresh start with that first half of experience under your belt. You take the field, and the whistle blows.

This past week was such a moment for me as I celebrated my 4oth year on this big blue orb. Overall, I would say that most of those years have been pretty good, with some tough times mixed in between. I have no one but myself to blame for most of the rough spots. I've had some successes, a few setbacks, many disappointments and innumerable blessings that I never saw coming. And when I stop long enough to look around at what I have to show for 40 years of life, I see people surrounding me. More than anything, God has blessed my life with good people. People who have stood by and supported me, accepted me, put up with me and loved me no matter how hard I may have tried to push them away or leave them behind. So, it was fitting that my week of celebration started with the most important people in my life.

My mom and my cousin, Kelly have been planning this event for at least a year. The plan was to send Amy, my cousin of the same age, and I into our 40's in style. We had great food, funny stories, games, cupcakes and lots of laughter. It was fitting that we held this celebration at my grandparent's house, the site of so many wonderful memories. The weather was even warm enough to take a ride in the woods on Uncle Clay's new souped up golf cart. I don't know how to describe this thing, but just let me say that if Rambo played golf, this is how he would get around between greens. There were no machine guns or missile launchers mounted on this cart, but I'm pretty sure I saw the mounts for them. This day was everything I had hoped it would be, surrounded by all of the people in my life that matter the most to me. Of course, time, distance and prior engagements kept some people in that circle from being there, but I'll forgive them. :-) As we left to go back home, we got the ultimate sign that this day was a total hit: the boys were asleep before we left Merit.

I spent the next two days in Charlottesville for some meetings pertaining to the grant I work for at UNT. I still got to connect with some old friends and spend some time meandering through Mr. Jefferson's Academical Village. More than anything, I was just ready to get home to see Gina and the boys again.

I spent most of my actual birthday in Denton trying to play catch up after my trip to Virginia, but we did find some time to open presents, eat cupcakes and go to one my new favorite places in the Mid-Cities area: Itz. This place has it all: Pizza, video games, go-karts, bowling, bumper cars (which the boys are too small to ride) and midway games. They were running a Leap Year special where you could get a buffet for $2.29. The boys ate free and we had a coupon for extra points for the games, and we got out of there for under $30. Not bad at all. They even had one of those cool photo booth things, as you can see below.

Gina and I will complete the celebration this weekend by having dinner and going to see Rent at Casa Manana. No, turning 40 did not cure my musical theater fetish. I have never seen this musical (or the movie!), and I can hardly wait. One a technical note, I learned that if you use Google+ and enter your birthday in your profile, Google will give you a customized Google Doodle on your birthday (above). No, that is not Photoshopped.

To say I limped into halftime would be an understatement. I have found myself feeling kind of lost and confused for the past couple of years, trying to make the best out situations but believing that God's best for me and my family was yet to come. I don't know everything, but I have gained some insight along the way. I have learned that relationships don't have an autopilot function. Books don't write themselves. Bodies need to be exercised. Music is meant to be played everyday. There is always something new to learn. There is a difference between enjoyment and satisfaction: one requires time, the other requires effort. Both are necessary. God is speaking if I will listen. Simple acts of faith matter more than big acts of appearance. The only way out is through (I borrowed that one). I will look back one day and be glad I wrote all of this down. I'm sure I have some more wisdom trapped somewhere in my head, but it's late and I'm tired. I'm going to bed. I have a second half to play.

Gooooaaaaal!

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This past Tuesday, the boys embarked on a totally new adventure: organized sports. I need clarify, this is 4-year old soccer, so "organized" in this case means scheduled games and matching uniforms. Soccer was by far my favorite sport growing up, and I would still love to play it again in the Old Men with Sore Knees league.

Gina and I have had discussions about when the boys might be ready to start soccer. On one hand, they love to kick the ball and run around the back yard. On the other hand, they are still "learning" how to follow instructions and be good listeners. We went ahead and enrolled them, knowing the other kids would probably be at about the same place developmentally. If nothing else, it will give them some more exercise and give us one more excuse to be outside. The only down side of this first practice was that I had to miss it. I recently was interviewed at the University of North Texas for a position in the Department of Learning Technologies. While Gina and the boys were outside running around and having fun, I was having dinner with the other faculty members and some of the doctoral students. Both activities were great and worthwhile, and it's just too bad I couldn't be both places at once.

Trusting and Believing

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Living with Oswald and seeing his faith in God and knowing that "by his faithfulness he is speaking to us still" is the secret of life these days, and I feel as if it will be overwhelming to one day see what God has wrought, and one will only be sorry not to have trusted more utterly. So just go on praying and believing and we will surely find that God is doing his wondrous things all the time.

Gertrude "Biddy" Chambers, in a letter to her sister a couple of weeks after the death of Oswald Chambers

No one mourns the ...

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I'll admit it: I'm a musical theater nerd. I have the entire score to Les Miserables and Phantom of the Opera (and several other musicals) memorized, we have season tickets to Casa Manana, I used to act in musicals in high school and college, and I would love to do it again someday. Think what you want, but I will jump at the chance to see a musical 95 out of 100 times (I can think of about 5 situations in which I would not jump at the chance).

So, when I found out that Wicked was coming to Austin, I jumped. Actually, Gina jumped and bought the tickets. I heard some songs from this musical about a year ago, and I immediately looked online to see if it was coming to a city near Dallas anytime soon. The closest city in the near future was Austin, and it just so happened that we were able to get tickets and go. If you want to know the synopsis or hear any music, you can Google it. All I am going to say is that I was not disappointed. The music, the story, the stage ... they were all amazing. I hope to see it again the next time it comes to town. Below is a glimpse at some of the main songs.

Four years old

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It seems like just a few months ago that I was writing about the boys turning 4 months old. We were living in Virginia, and the boys were still small enough to hold in one arm. I should clarify, you wouldn't have wanted to hold either of them in one arm for very long, but it could be done. Their favorite activities were riding in the stroller, bouncing in their air chair and getting tickled by mommy and daddy. Nate was still spitting up all over everything, and Sam was still having to do his neck stretches. Things weren't easy back then, but every day revealed a new joy that Gina and I marveled in.

The memories from those days are still very fresh, which is why it's so hard to believe our little baby boys are now 4 years old. I'm not sure what it was about this birthday, but it really hit me that they are growing up. They are starting to draw pictures and write their names, they know how to put their clothes on and take their dishes to the sink, and they play and interact like children, rather than being totally absorbed in their own little worlds. They will be in preschool one more year, and then it's off to Kindergarten. I can hardly believe the time is going so fast.

Besides being a time of unharnessed sentimentality on my part, this weekend was also full of celebrations, family, friends, goodies and gifts. On Friday, the boys opened their presents from Gina and I before school. They barely had enough time to play with them before we had to rush off to school. I'm pretty sure they were looking forward to getting back home all day so they could go right back to their new stockpile of awesomeness in the living room.  Gina brought cupcakes to the classroom for Sam and Nate to share with their friends, and it was a big hit. I had to go to Denton for some work, but they saved me a cupcake for when I got home.

On Sunday, we had a party for the boys at the Bob Jones Nature Center and Preserve in Southlake. We had been there once before, and they really did a nice job with the party. It involved crafts, a nature hike, games and of course, cake and ice cream. It was a lot of fun seeing the boys interact with their friends and cousins at this party, which was one more sign that they are growing up and becoming independent. Despite some cold temps, the party was a success, and we left from there to watch the Super Bowl at Uncle Tommy's house (which as a success for only half the participants). In that regard, I find it interesting that the same teams that played this year are the same two teams that played on the day the boys were born (New England Patriots v. New York Giants). I remember watching the last quarter of the game while the boys got their first bath. The game had the same outcome both times, which is not great for me since I like the Patriots.

We were so happy to be able to spend this weekend celebrating the boys' birthday with friends and family, and though it was a joyous occasion, I will not go so far as to say I am looking forward to the next one. Not yet. Here are some more pictures from the celebratory weekend.

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Christmas Magic

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This is one of those posts where I don't even know where to start. My sister wrote about this trip right after we got back, and she followed a day-by-day format. So, the creative snob in me is resisting doing the same thing. But I have to start somewhere, the beginning seems like a good place to do that.

About a year ago, my parents began asking my sister and I what we would like to do for Christmas this year, since it was an Alexander Christmas. We tossed out a few ideas (I suggested Circus Camp, but we all agreed that clowns are way to freaky), and we all agreed that Orlando would be a great place to meet for the Holidays. All of the grandkids are the right age for Disney, and they love the movies. At least at our house, Buzz, Woody and Lightning are still the main characters in just about every play session. Ella is very much into princesses, so this was a perfect match. To make things even better, my parents have a time share condo (or as Sam calls it, the "caddo") and we could all stay together. As you would expect, GiGi jumped on this and had our reservations set for the following December. After months of planning, saving and talking up the Disney experience with the boys, the day to leave on the trip finally arrived.

Things got off to a rough start because the day before we left three out of four family members had to go to the doctor (Sam, Nate and myself). I will usually tough out an illness and avoid seeing a doctor, but I was just way too miserable this time around. We all got put on antibiotics, and we were on our way. By the time we got to Orlando, I was already starting to feel a lot better, as were the boys. Did I mention we drove from Fort Worth to Orlando? Yeah, that was interesting, but not really that bad.

I will skip directly to our first full day in Orlando. We took the first day to rest and recover from our drive by saying in the condo that morning, then we went to Downtown Disney for the afternoon. From an adult's perspective, this is just about as cool as the theme parks. Well, at least for an adult who really likes food and people watching. If that is all you want, there is no need to go into the parks, but I'm pretty sure Sam, Nate and Ella were not going to agree with me on this one. Anyway, after a great meal at Raglan Road, we headed home to get rested for our first day in the parks. First stop, Animal Kingdom.

This is one of the newer theme parks that I had never visited, and I was curious to see what it was like. Is it a zoo? Is in an amusement park? Is it an educational experience? The answer to all three is YES. We saw real African animals, shows about animals (and fish), 3D movies about animals (and bugs), and actual Disney animals walking around the park. The highlight of this day was eating at Tusker House, a great restaurant where Donald, Daisey, Minnie and Goofy come to your table and dance around with loud instruments. The food was great (my favorite from the whole trip) and the atmosphere was a lot of fun. Remarkably, Sam and Nate actually ate their lunch.

Before moving on, I would like to interject an observation. Disney has made A LOT of movies. In fact, that is how they started and what they are known for. I thought I was pretty well-versed in Disney-ese, but I quickly found out I have a lot to learn. Yes, I am very familiar with the Toy Story monarchy and the Republic of Cars, and we still watch Monsters, Inc., Up, The Incredibles and Finding Nemo from time to time. But there are a lot of Disney films I have either never seen, or I haven't seen them in so long that I completely forgot about them. If a person isn't completely indoctrinated by the Disney library before visiting each park, you may feel a bit lost. There are a lot of Disney movies the boys haven't seen, so there were some things they didn't understand. They also didn't understand why there was not one thing at Magic Kingdom or Animal Kingdom about Lightning McQueen. Besides Woody, Buzz and that whole gang, the Cars characters are who they really wanted to see. Just sayin', Disney.

Anyway, back to the trip. We spent the next two days in the Magic Kingdom, and let me tell you, it was amazing. There is just too much to share about these two days. In a nutshell, our two days consisted of riding awesome rides, seeing Disney characters, watching shows, waiting in lines, scooching past massive crowds of people and planning which ride we would do next. Honestly, if you want to know what we did at Animal and Magic Kingdoms, you can see our photos. This was my third (and fourth) trip to the Magic Kingdom, and many of the things I loved about it have not changed. I was always a big Tomorrow Land fan, and it is very much the same as it used to be. Space Mountain, the People Mover, and the Astro Orbiter are all still there. They have added some new rides, as well, which the boys loved. Especially the Buzz Lightyear ride, in which you get to participate by shooting a laser at targets and accumulate points. Then of course, there were the standard rides that you MUST see if you are there, like Pirates of the Caribbean, The Haunted Mansion, It's a Small World, the teacups, Dumbo and African Safari. I was also disappointed to learn that some of my favorites rides -- namely 20,00 Leagues Under the Sea -- were gone, and are being replaced with new additions to Fantasy Land. I guess Disney has figured out a formula for getting people to come back! If I am allowed to put forth one criticism of the Disney theme parks, it is that they seem to be all about the movies now. I remember that the movie characters were part of the Magic Kingdom in the past, but there were also a lot of things to see that were there just because Walt Disney wanted them there. It has always been very commercialized, but now it seems to be all about the movies. OK, that's all I have to say about that.

Overall, this was the vacation of a lifetime. The boys still talk about the things we saw and did in Orlando, and I think they will love it even more when we go back. We had a great time spending time with GiGi and PaPa, and Uncle Joe, Aunt Katie and Ella. Seeing Ella's reaction to the whole experience, particularly the princesses, was priceless. It was exciting, over-stimulating, exhausting and exhilarating, and more than anything, it was everything we hoped it would be.

Christmas Wishes

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This past Christmas (yes, I realize it was over a month ago), we entered a new era in our own personal Christmas tradition. This was the 4th Christmas for the boys, and this year we reached a milestone. I'm sure you are dying to know what this benchmark was. Did we reach the 200 mark on Hot Wheels cars? Did we set a new record on Christmas spending? Did I manage to survive on eggnog and candy canes or 25 days straight? No, it was nothing dramatic, but it does change things from now on.

For the first time, the boys actually ASKED for something for Christmas. As soon as all the turkey from Thanksgiving was put away and we had pulled all of the decorations from the attic, the Christmas advertisements started rolling in. Toys 'R Us, Target, Walmart. Every Sunday brought a new barrage of colorful, multi-page ads filled with just about every toy you can imagine: remote control gadgets, video games, riding toys, Disney toys, toys from cartoons I have never even heard of, girls' dolls dressed like prostitutes (sorry, Bratz, that is pretty much what you look like). For the first time, the boys pored over these catalogs and carefully examined each toy as if they were walking the aisles of F.A.O. Schwarz.

All of this perusing finally led to the big moment: The Christmas Wish. And what did they ask for? A blue S.U.V. At first, I was disappointed because we already have so many toy cars and trucks, we look like a miniature car lot. But the more they described it, I started to realize this was a toy they could actually ride on and not just another toy car. Gina and I already had something in mind for the boys, and we had to discuss this sudden change of plans a little bit. After some going back and forth, we decided that Sam and Nate would only be little boys once, and we went ahead with the purchase.

I will skip ahead to the big day, and I think we were more excited than the boys were. We had rushed back from Shreveport on Christmas Eve so the boys could open their presents at the house, and when they woke up that morning the blue jeep was sitting in the living room. Nate was very excited and jumped right in. Sam was not feeling all that well (nor was I), so his enthusiasm was more subdued. After some driving around in the house, we learned two things. First, this was going to be a lot of fun and we were glad we went ahead and got it for the boys. Second, they have a lot to learn about driving. In that regard, this Christmas is just a glimpse into what we can expect in about 13 years. For now, I much prefer the small plastic car that is driven on the sidewalk.

Thoughts on writing

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Writing is probably the most dysfunctional relationship in my life. On one hand, I can't resist it because I seem to always have something to say. I am fueled by creative expression; it's like air to me. So, thinking about myself going for long stretches without writing is like having that dream where I go to work only to discover I am not wearing any pants ... or anything period. I'm not myself when I'm not crafting my thoughts into some sort of tangible expression. On the other hand, I have a tendency to psyche myself out when it comes to writing. When I wrote my Master's thesis, I would avoid it for days, even a week, at a time, as if it were my dentist asking me why I don't floss everyday. Then I would panic and start to freak out because I wasn't making enough progress, and I would shut myself up in my room for 1-2 days and hammer out 60 or more pages. Then I would be mad at myself because I would have missed out on something I wanted to do in order to finish something I had to do. The truth is, I made that project much bigger than it really was by running from it all the time, then forcing myself into stare-offs with the computer screen until I finally gave in and just started writing something. My dissertation went much better, mainly because the twins were here by then, and I knew I would not have large blocks of time to write. After my wife and I put the boys to bed each night around 7 p.m., we would eat dinner and talk for a little while, then I would go to my office and write for 3-4 hours. I kept this up 5-6 days per week for about 7 months. I actually finished my dissertation well ahead of schedule and never really had any of those panic moments I did with my thesis paper. Or maybe I have just blocked them out.

I have come to a similar place with this blog. The last month has been a whirlwind, and I have a TON I want to write about. But the more I think about it, the more I get overwhelmed. The more overwhelmed I get, the more I put it off. The more I put it off, the farther away those events seem to be. The farther those events sink into the past, the more senseless it seems to write about them. Who wants to read about old news, right?

Thankfully, I ran across a great little post by Gretchen Rubin which has provided me with the kickstart I need to get back on track. Not only do I want to get my blog up to date, but I have several manuscripts that I want to finish by the end of the semester. She did a great job of stating what I already knew, which is that some progress each day is better than putting the pressure on one day to make up for several days of no progress. My personal tendency is to waste time if I think I have a lot of it to spare. When I block out a whole day to write, I don't think twice about checking my e-mail, looking at Facebook or reading a blog or two. I mean, what's half an hour when I have all day? The problem is, I may take several of those breaks throughout the day, then I start to feel hopeless because I have not made the chocolate-covered, massive, award-winning progress I envisioned myself making. If I commit the non-green sin of leaving my computer on and the document open, I am actually more likely to come back to it and write for 15-30 minutes. It's much easier to keep the ball rolling than it is to start it rolling. (I suck at cliches.) I just needed a gentle reminder to get back to what I love.

Which is what I have done here. I have a lot I want to say, but I don't want to start saying it right now. So I wrote about writing for a minute, and I will resume the blogging tomorrow. Then I will write a few lines on the manuscript with the nearest deadline. Then I will go to bed content that I did one of the things that makes me happy without making it a drag.

CSI: Christmas Scene Investigation

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The tree is trimmed. The stockings are hung. The fancy towels are in the guest bathroom. Yes, it's that magical time of year when parents climb into the attic and pull down box after box of cherished, breakable mementos and set them out for little fingers to cover in ketchup residue. I am referring to none other than Christmas. Or is it X-mas? Or Holiday? Who can keep up? Well, it's Christmas in our house. Anyway, it is that special time of year when homes all across every sub-division in America cover their house in lights, send Christmas cards to all of the people on their wedding invitation list and set out that most sacred of table decorations: The Nativity Set. Or as it's called in our house: Hebrew action figures. I know the infant Jesus has more than a few likable characteristics, but from the moment the Nativity set is removed from the box, he is all the boys want to play with. Joseph is always in the barn keeping his post, and Mary has never - not once - turned up missing. But there is something about that baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger that must scream, "Encase me in legos and throw me in the bottom of the toy box!" Like that one time, when ... Well, you know, some things are just easier to explain with pictures ...

From our house to yours, Merry Christmas, and may all of your adventures begin and end with Jesus as the hero.

You can see the pictures up closes here: http://prezi.com/epettptxdxkc/christmas-in-pictures/

Christmas Joy

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As you can see from the photos, the boys have really been enjoying the Christmas season this year. We started things off with their Christmas program at school, which was very cute, but it ended kind of quickly. It took us about 20 minutes to get the boys dressed and slicked back, 10 minutes to get there, and the program was about 15 minutes. When I consider the alternative, I am grateful for a short program.

The next big activity was the boys' Christmas party at school. They got to have pizza for lunch, which is something they don't eat very often. By the time I got to the school, they had already eaten two pieces each, and Nate was on his third. After they ate, the class worked on making a craft with pipe cleaners and beads. Sam and Nate each made a candy cane ornament, which they promptly put on the tree when they got home. Their favorite part of the party was when they got to decorate their own cookie with frosting and other goodies. It was a lot of fun watching them put their cookie together then eat it. I was hoping they would ask the parents to join in, but I just got to watch this one.

The next day, the boys wore their PJ's to school because they were going to be watching The Polar Express. They were sick last year and missed this activity, so  they were looking forward to seeing this movie at school this year. I have to confess, we own this movie and they have seen it about a dozen times. But there is something special about watching it at school with all of your friends and wearing PJ's.

Today, we decided to take a trip to Sundance Square in downtown Fort Worth to see Santa. We had heard he took a break from his work to visit some children in Texas, and we wanted to see him before he had to head back to the North Pole to finish all of the toys. Sam and Nate took a few pictures with old Saint Nick, then he asked them what they wanted to for Christmas. Their answer is always the same: a blue SUV. I hope Santa was taking notes because the boys are pretty serious about this one. One funny thing I noticed about this Santa is that he had a Texas accent. Never knew that about the old guy. After we visited Santa, we went to a pizza place for dinner. We took one last look at the lights then headed home.

I know we will have a lot more memories before this holiday season is over, but things are off to a good start.

All Family

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This is the phrase the boys use when everyone from our family is together. Typically we will mention to the boys that we are about to go see <<insert family member>>, and the boys will respond, "Is it going to be all family?" Well, last weekend was definitely "all family." We started out on Friday with Kendall and Zach coming to our house to spend the night. After playing for awhile and eating dinner, we went to Northwood Church for the Journey to the Manger. They had a live nativity, snacks and crafts for the kids, and a real petting zoo. I think the animals were everyone's favorite part. We came home and the boys went to bed while everyone else stayed up and watched A Christmas Story. Needless to say, I slept through most of it.

The next day we hung around the house during the morning and early afternoon. The boys loved playing with their cousins in the house and at the park. Later that afternoon, Uncle Tommy, Aunt Carol and Kierra, as well as Granny and Granddad, came over and we all went to a Mexican food restaurant in Fort Worth to celebrate Granddad's birthday. We had a great time enjoying wonderful food, conversation and time with each other. Afterwards, we came back to our house and ate birthday cake and opened presents. The boys still think that they need to help other people open their presents, which is kind of funny. Granddad was a good sport. After a very fun weekend, everyone loaded up and went home. We crashed.

It was a very eventful and fun weekend, and it got us excited about Christmas and all of the fun events we have coming up. It also made us want to stay in on Sunday and rest. Which we did.

The Bell Curve

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The bell curve is everywhere. Intelligence, body mass index, income, age for getting married, my belly after the holidays. The general idea behind the bell curve is that with any given measure, the majority of the population will fall somewhere in the middle. People who fall either way below or way above the average on any measure are few and far between. Of course, don't tell this to parents with children in elementary school. They all seem to think that anything less than straight A's represents a complete failure of the American educational system. "I know my child can't read, but do you have any idea what a B is going to do to her self-esteem?" In this case, the bell curve looks more like a snow drift.

The idea behind the bell curve is fascinating to me. I mean, who came up with the idea of plotting tons of data on a graph and observing its shape? As if we all needed a visual representation of how average we all are. See, there you are, right there where the bell is about to crest. Yep, you're average. The bell curve takes phenomena from the human experience and makes it, well, predictable. It's hard to dream big when you have this big, bell-shaped graph reminding you that, despite your best efforts, you are still less than one standard deviation above the mean, and you might actually be below it.

This got me to thinking, what if I graphed typical events in my child's life? Would the results be as predictable? Will the trajectory end up the shape of a bell? As you have discovered by now, there is only one way to find out: rigorous research. The results of my research, as seen in the graphs below, are quite surprising.

So, maybe parenting isn't so predictable after all, and there are times when the bell curve looks more like a smile. And that is what you have to keep on doing if you are going to make it. Smiling is one thing you can do that makes you feel above average, at least in the 65th %tile, slightly more than 1 standard deviation above the mean.

Repeated Measures

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Parents love routines. Don't believe me? Try this simple experiment: Identify a family in your neighborhood who has one or two children under the age of three. Get to know this family and stealthily find out when their children go down for a nap each day. Then go over to this family's house and try to ring the doorbell during naptime. Assuming you can even get past the protective layer of index cards taped over the doorbell and actually make contact with it, see what happens after you have rung the doorbell. Or, as I call it "Doorbell-zebub." You may have used a perfectly healthy, flexible finger to press that doorbell, but you will be taking a bloody nub home. Why is this? Because you took the one portion of that parent's day he or she thought was totally under control and turned it into a spiral of chaos. And this is why parents love routines, because they they hate spirals of chaos. Truth is, any given moment during the day can turn into a spiral of chaos. Playing with toys, meals, sitting for a family portrait, riding in the car, going to a movie. These all seem like perfectly normal daily activities until you hand the ingredients to your little alchemist. Toys become the Gaza Strip; meals become abstract art; family portraits become a Jim Carrey movie marathon; riding in the car makes the bladder shrink exponentially with every foot you drive; going to the movie becomes a game of cat and mouse through the rows of seats. Our reaction to this impending spiral of chaos is establishing the scientific intervention known as routines.

Parents believe that if they can be consistent and establish routines, then it will make certain times during the day more predictable. So we work to establish bedtime routines, mealtime routines, clean-up routines, car-riding routines and bath routines. The key is to stick with it long enough that eventually you won't have to think about it so much and certain activities will become automatic. You can just tell the child it's time for bed and he suddenly gets drowsy. Tell her it's time for a bath, and POOF, she's next to the tub waiting for you to show up. Parental effort directed at establishing routines will typically fall within one of three patterns:

  • Victory: the child learns the routine and cooperates with it
  • Regression: the child cooperates at first then loses interest over time
  • Anarchy: the child develops a routine that the parent neither established nor approves of

I have collected some data on different routines and graphed the following results:

There is so much about parenting that is bittersweet. The bitter side of it is that it goes so fast. Many of the cute things our children say and do seem to fade away without us even noticing. You just realize that one day they don't say or do that cute thing anymore. Out of nowhere, they begin to use forks and adverbs and board games correctly, and you realize they aren't babies anymore. Routines are great - necessary even - but they have a way of lulling us into thinking that a day is just a set of predetermined steps. It's easy to miss the small gifts along the way. But if we don't keep our sanity from day to day, we might miss even more. Routines are helpful to that end.

Of course, the sweet part of routines is that they help us mold our children into healthy, well-adjusted human beings that will one day step through the front door and into the world. It is at this moment that you will look back on your parenting and all of the routines you implemented so diligently, and you will know you did the right thing. Then you will go take a nap. At 1:00 sharp. No exceptions.