For some reason, my 5-year old boys have become obsessed with Australia. To be specific, they don't actually care about the country of Australia. They are more concerned with all the things one might do ON THE WAY to Australia. These conversations typically come out ... you guessed it ... in the car. And they never end up where they started. Here is a synopsis of typical conversations we have had for the past two weeks.

Boy 1: Daddy, which takes longer, Australia or Antarctica?

Me: What do you mean?

Boy 1: How long does it take to get to both places?

Me: Oh, well, Australia, I think.

Boy 2: How many movies could you watch on the way to Australia?

Me: Ummm, 10, I guess.

Boy 1: Is that 10 Phineas and Ferb or 10 The Hobbit?

Me: I was thinking more like 10 Wreck-It Ralph.

Boy 2: How many The Hobbit's could you watch to Australia?

Me: 7

Boy 2: How many Phineas and Ferb?

Me: Way too many.

Boy 1: No, Daddy, this is serious. How many?

Me: 50, I don't know.

Boy 2: Which is longer, The Hobbit or Wreck-It Ralph?

Me: Do the math.

Boy 2: What's math?

Me: Good point, The Hobbit is longer?

Boy 1: How old do we have to be to watch The Hobbit?

Me: Eleven?

Boy 2: How old do we have to be to see Wreck-It Ralph?

Me: You've already seen it, so 5, I guess.

Boy 1: What takes longer, going to Australia by boat or airplane?

Me: Boats take longer.

Boy 2: How long would it take to get to Australia in a boat?

Me: Probably 2 weeks, I don't really know. We need to ask Uncle Tommy about that one.

Boy 2: How many times did Uncle Tommy watch The Hobbit when he went to Australia by boat?

Me: None. It wasn't even made yet.

Boy 1: Then why did you say we need to ask Uncle Tommy?

Me: Because he was in the Navy and went to Australia on his ship.

Boy 2: But how many movies did it take to get there?

Me: I have absolutely no idea. I don't think they watched movies on his ship. It was the Navy, not a cruise.

Brief Pause

Boy 2: Who's better at cooking, you or Mommy?

Me: Mommy

Boy 1: Who's better at fixing stuff?

Me: I am, most of the time. But Mommy is better at fixing stuff that needs to be sewed, like buttons and holes in your clothes.

The gender stereotyping is getting deep up in huhrrrr. Please change topics, please change topics, please chan....

Boy 2: Who's faster, you or Mommy?

Me: Driving or running?

Boy 1: Running.

Me. I am.

Boy 2: Driving.

Me: Mommy.

Boy 1: Who's faster, me or him (nodding toward his brother)?

Me: You are both the same fast.

Boy 2: But who's just a little bit faster?

Me: I'm not going there. This conversation is over.

Boy 1: Why is it over? We're not even at school yet.

Me: Because it's driving me crazy.

Boy 2: But who is driving you just a little bit more crazy?